If you are anything like me, you tell your kids you love them ALL the time. It is a phrase that's as well-worn as good morning, good night, and do your laundry. Like those sentiments, I love you has probably lost some meaning along the way. If my kids' floor-drobes are any indication, it definitely has.
My son is about to start his senior year of high school. This means "all things college" are really ramping up. Essay writing, campus tours, student-activity resumes... to paraphrase a line from Airplane, the fog is getting thicker and the to-do list is getting longer. One particular assignment, however, is not on Michael's plate. The high school guidance office has asked all senior parents to fill out a "brag sheet" about their child. They provided a general writing prompt and the equivalent of two sheets of lined paper. I'm sure many parents around town opened that envelope and groaned. But I was psyched.
After I finished my assignment, I started to think what a great idea this is. I love so many things about my kids, but I'm not exactly listing them on the regular. But now forced to articulate why my boy is such a remarkable person, I realized that Mrs. Buddendeck the guidance counselor shouldn't be the only one to read it. Michael should read it. Just like it is easier to talk to you teenager while driving in the car, giving them something to read takes some of the awkwardness out of it. As Michael read my computer screen, I watched his face light up with a flash of childlike joy. In that moment, his looked like a much younger version of himself. He looked like my little boy. When he finished, my taller-than-me little boy gave me a hug that lasted five Mississippis and said, "Wow. Thanks, Mom". I had made him so happy. Not just I-let-you-sleep-in-and-bought-you-Chipotle happy. Truly happy. The feeling was mutual.
So, if you are so inclined, carve out a little time and write a love letter to each of your children. Tell them what you love about them and why. Let it be a random, out of the blue surprise. Don't wait until there is an occasion for it. They are amazing people right now. And maybe, just maybe, it will inspire them to throw in a load of laundry.
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Dear Michael, Mrs. Buddendeck, and blog-post readers,
When Michael was three years old, he decided it was high time he started a business. He opened a restaurant called The Goulash House, right here in our house. In preparation, he made menus, coupons, and business cards. He made paper placemats with mazes on them. He told neighbors, kids from his preschool class, and even our mailman. And he made a lot of goulash.
This was not a short-lived phase. Michael spent years cultivating every aspect of this venture. When he was five, he offered a waitress at Donnelly’s a job at HIS restaurant. This was his dream, and he was pretty serious about it.
Now, just in case it isn’t obvious, we didn’t actually open a restaurant in our suburban, three-bedroom colonial. But his dad and I did invite some friends over and helped Michael hold a grand opening, just as he envisioned it. Although we didn’t know it at the time, this was just the beginning of us supporting our confident, determined, and always-thinking-big leader of a child.
Adventure
As he has grown up, Michael is still the same determined, goal-driven big thinker. At seventeen years old, he has different dreams, but he is just as serious about them. Michael loves global history and geography and is determined to experience the world. This, he’s taught me, is different from just seeing the world. In addition to visiting world cities with their famous landmarks, Michael also wants to travel to less celebrated towns and villages to “live like a local” and immerse himself in the culture. Michael was able to participate in the Fairport-Carrigaline Exchange, which only strengthened his international wanderlust. He now has friends in a small town across the ocean; people we will be fortunate enough to visit this summer. As a result of this life-defining experience, Michael will only consider a college if it has a study abroad program. In addition, he’s researched excursions and adventures of every variety and has detailed plans to make them a reality. Ask him about backpacking in the Alps… but only if you don’t have anywhere to be. It probably won’t be a short conversation.
Service
Michael has been actively involved in Boy Scouts since he was in first grade. Even then, his dad and I had no doubt he would see this experience all the way to the rank of Eagle Scout. In addition to all of the outdoor adventure scouting offers, it also weaves community service into most everything, cementing it for Michael as “just something you do”. With scouts, he has volunteered at Foodlink, the Perinton Food Shelf, Lollypop Farm, and at village events such as Canal Days and the Scarecrow Fest. He has dug out neighborhood fire hydrants after big snow storms. He has put American Flags on the graves of fallen Fairport veterans. Outside of scouts, Michael periodically checks on our church’s “blessing boxes” - like Little Free Libraries stocked with complimentary, general use supplies. They are located in various places around Fairport, including the canal path and at playgrounds. If the boxes are low on bottled water, diapers, or first aid supplies, Michael restocks them.
In addition to these more formal acts of service, Michael sees service opportunities embedded in daily life. He notices what is needed, and before you have a chance to ask, he’s done it. Michael once got a Raider Way t-shirt for helping his french teacher move heavy tables from one room to another. He’ll do a reading at church if the scheduled reader isn’t there. He’ll spend his free time helping a younger scout check off his needed requirements to earn the next rank. From peer tutoring to helping his soccer coaches bring in all the equipment after practice, service to others is solidly part of who Michael has become. I think it is important to note that Michael has asked multiple college tour guides about service opportunities for students. Service isn’t just his present. It’s his future, too.
Leadership
When Michael was a baby, I am quoted as saying, on more than one occasion, “Somewhere a village is missing its leader”. Michael has shown us, from the word GO, that he feels comfortable being in charge. Comical at the toddler stage, occasionally problematic in those middle years, but as a teenager - having learned how to lead with humility and grace - Michael is someone you want at the helm. Part of this is just his temperament, and part of this is the experience he has had with scouting. You cannot advance through the ranks without serving in leadership positions. Michael has had many, culminating in a job called SPL: Senior Patrol Leader. When you are elected SPL, you become, essentially, the leader of the troop. This year-long term is filled with planning, guiding, communicating, taking responsibility for when things go wrong, and ultimately passing the troop to your successor. Ask any SPL parent - it is an unmatched amount of leadership experience and responsibility which results in remarkable amounts of growth. Michael took that experience and used it to complete his Eagle Scout project. The Eagle candidate is akin to a project manager; he was responsible for all of the planning, budgeting, purchasing and scheduling. But, he was also tasked with recruiting and managing helpers, namely other Boy Scouts. Over the course of his 10 month project, he had 18 volunteers that he had to coach and oversee. It was a phenomenal undertaking, one that was very successful in no small part because of his ever-increasing leadership experience.
Outside of scouting, Michael is the co-president of the (400+ member) senior class, the co-president of the National French Honor Society, and an officer of the National Honor Society. He has earned the trust of his peers; they know he is organized, articulate, and intelligent. They know he has the humility, social skills, and experience to accomplish what needs to be done. And they are not wrong.
So what does all this add up to? A young man of character who is serious about his dreams and passions. Someone who will experience the world and do good in the world. Someone who is going to get the most out of this life he’s been given. That is my remarkable boy. That is my Michael Gregory Panara.
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